i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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