I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
