Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
