oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
