i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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