Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's always time for handjobs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Drunk is not a location!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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