It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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