i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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