Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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