you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
