she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
