I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
