What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
