Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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