ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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