So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
