the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
