its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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