Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
