I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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