walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
