I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
