he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize