Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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