I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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