happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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