spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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