There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
