I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
