remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Everclear isn't food dammit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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