i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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