Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
