I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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