If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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