I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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