Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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