The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize