party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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