my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
