just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
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I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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