I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
