somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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