i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
