You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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