I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
