I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
