summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
