4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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