lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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