I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
