So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
