I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
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Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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