kristin has been a bad kristin
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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