is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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