Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
