his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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