can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
