I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
