It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
