I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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