It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
