She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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