i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize