Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
