it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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