I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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