I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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