I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
