I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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