also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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